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The Modern Society Rulebook
The Modern Society Handbook/Rulebook, invented in 1876 by Rudolf Sandlers as an influence to his passing grandfather due to alcohol poisoning via chugging vodka and whiskey at the same time. He didn't make it out of the saloon alive. Rudolf Sandlers was a really nerdy kid in school and it seems quite ironic how he managed to write the most famous book of modern society advice, tips, and rules and such. His best friends included Doofusface, Fucktard-Head, and Yank-A-Bitch. Their real names have not been confirmed by the police. So the handbook/rulebook covers what you shuold do if you are a prep, skater, jock, gangsta, and even if you are gay. Amazing, eh? Also it tells you a bit about how to get girls, too (it states that girls like being called hoes and bitches and getting treated like shit). This method has worked for centuries. It also mentions stuff such as what to do on certain events, holidays, etc. Below is the entire script of the book that was published on October 4, 1876. Chapter 1 Starting up Immediate fixes Alright, so here's the deal: you walk into High school, it's the 9th grade, your freshman year, and depending on your reputation you might be a fucking loser. In fact, you probably are a fucking loser. But not by the end of your senior year. You'll be living like a pimp. To get started, you should probably lose that bullshit smile on your face that makes you look like a fucking faggot. In fact, just fucking shave your hair off on the sides and get a green and red mohawk for Christmas coming up. Also, chicks dig the mohawks. If your school doesn't allow it, fuck the God damn school. Burn it to the fucking ground if you have to. You are starting a new life. Go and get a fucking tan; you're as pale as the damn cottage cheese in the refrigerator at home your mom eats to help her get skinnier that's got about 55% SlimFast in it. But don't get burnt from the Sun or you're just going to look like a dumbass who fell asleep watching an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. Now you may ask yourself how the fuck you have enough time to do all this "shit" that's not shit; well, you got seven days to play hooky total. If you go over that you're expelled dude. Expelled. Outta the school. Forever. Do you want that? At this point who fucking cares. But the goal of this handbook/rulebook isn't to get you fucking expelled; it's to get you into the In crowd. Cuz that's what everybody wants. A piece of the popular. Gettin't the girl So next you need to work on being funny. And don't go with those stupid popsicle sticks you read and laugh at cuz u think they're funny. That just ain't gonna work. You gotta get all perverted shit, man. You gotta lose the glasses and get some damn contact lens or something! Fuck the Harry Potter glasses. They make you look like a damn retard! Go up to the girl you like. First of all, you ain't allowed to like the chick you think might like you. Even fatass readhead freckled-up ginger bitch over there won't want you if you're nerdy. She thinks she's so cool, the way she carries her library books as if she'll fall over and fucking die if she drops them. No, pay attention to the girl standing next to her, bitching about why her miniskirt got some pizza on it because her dumbass boyfriend done fucked up the relationship to the point where you gotta step in and say "what the fuck, bitch, fucking DUMP him already! My God!" But before she can reply and say you're the Hercules who saved her from the demon dragon that almost impaled her and ate her up, the fucking bell rings and it's time for first period and you don't even have her 1st period. Walk into the teacher's room and tell him this is fucking bullshit and the whole Goddamn school needs to murder him just for teaching Math when he should be a gym coach. This guy has no idea what the fuck he's doing anyway, and you know that. You used to be a nerd. Fucking correct him on everything. Girls like people who aren't nerdy, but they like those who aren't fucking dumbasses like that big-titted blonde's bf that pretty much raped the chances of them ever being back together again. 2nd period Walk into second period; Art class. Some more bullshit you gotta take care of. Fucking take the portrait in front of the class and grab a nearby crowbar and beat it to fucking death until the art teacher is so mad she takes a baseball bat and starts swinging the shit outta it until she hits herself in the face and dies. That's when you go into 3rd period and find the hot girl you saw earlier. Blonde. Big tits. Huge ass. Perfect. But you can't just go over there and fuck her right in front of the class. You gotta make her wanna fuck with you. So you gotta fuck with her. And there's a difference between fucking with somebody and fucking somebody. We'll get to that later. Much later. Moving on, anyway. Strike up a small conversation. Say "nice ass" or "big tits" and call her a "bitch". Bitches love when you call them what they are. Tell her how badass she is and how fucking beautiful she is. She's yours for the taking, now. Grab those titties and squeeze them hard until - oh wait, nevermind, the teacher's looking. Get back into the classroom. 3rd period Science class; the most unpractical bullshit you've ever seen before in your entire fucking life. You are so tired of all this goddamn nonsense that you just wanna fucking go home and beat the shit outta some little innocent poodle with a plastic baby. And a chainsaw. Yeah. A fucking chainsaw. Then go on a goddamn killing spree until you've killed everyone in town. Then dump all the bodies into the Red Sea. They'll never know the difference. Chances are you'll get away with it. Anyway, moving on. This girl is now in love with you. But if you do anything to fuck up the relationship, it's over. Fucking OVER! Do you hear me? Do I make myself clear? Don't fuck it up. So how do you do that? Well, you must understand that there are instances where chicks are different. Some got attitudes, some got jealousy, some just got fucking snobbish bullshit, and others just wanna fuck all the time. Gettin' a image This particular girl, however, wants u to be yourself. Which is a stupid, retarded thing to do. When meeting a girl, never, and I mean NEVER be yourself. You gotta play with a certain style for them to like you. All chicks like is some good gansta-jock-sk8er mix. That's what they want. So you gotta learn how to sk8. Not hard. Step on to the fucking board and ollie and do a kickflip. That's all you gotta do to impress a chick. Now they think you got talent. Now you gotta start wearin' those pants low. Low as you can go, man. Wear them to your ankles. The lower the better. And you can't get those stupid Levi Jeans that you probably got at Walmart! STUPID! No, you gotta get some faded abercrombie pants and wear them low. Real low. Now, final step, all you gotta do is play a sport. Any sport. Football's best, though, or Basketball, because Soccer's just.....wimpy, pretty much. Lame. Retarded. After you got that done, you all set to go so you jus' walk up to her and be talkin' in dat slang dat dey be messin' 'round wit, 'yo. Don' be too black, though, or they'll think you're a poser. 4th period/Messin' wit da teacher Next you know you wanna start with 4th period cuz 4th period is just simply AWESOME dude. Fourth period is the time of the day where the teachers get fun to mess with; they're all fucking mad and shit but they don't know how to react cuz they're such fucking dumbasses. It's real fun; you got your Literature teacher, and she talks with that stupid southern accent that is grammically incorrect. Correct her; teacher's just fucking LOVE it when they get corrected. You gotta remember that. It'll help you later in life. Another thing you can do to piss them off is to, when they're just talking, just flip them off like as hard as you can. Show it real high in the air, then she'll be like "do you wanna go to the office?" and ur like "wtf i didnt even do anything, u dumbass bitch. i been tryin' to learn 'bout whatever the fuck u been tryin' to teach." It just really starts to piss them off when it happens over and over again. Yep. The end Unfortunately the book ends here because the writer suddenly died for no reason whatsoever. See also *Hot girl *Walmart